The So Called Non Celebration

This season it seems like every week there's a so called 'non celebration'. It's become a football fashion, a kind of fad. Like The rocking baby celebration when a player recently becomes a father (Gareth Bale has done both of these celebrations over the last few weeks).

The thing that I don't like about the non celebration is that the player isn't so much as doing it out of respect for his former club and supporters but to make himself seem like such a decent kind of bloke in front of the cameras. It just comes across so false.

Okay so I don't expect a player to run the length of the pitch and slide on his knees right in front of the fans that used to sing his name, like how Emmanuel Adebayor did when he scored against arsenal a few seasons back.
But don't score a goal and give a look like someone just pissed in your cornflakes.
How about some middle ground. Like an understated raised hand and an acknowledgment to the team mate who assisted the goal.

Euro 2012 As It Happened

Szczęsny has a howler.
Pavlyuchenko (or as my dad always miss pronounces his name at his time at Spurs Paddy-o-chonko) scores Russia’s fourth and stakes their claim as contenders.
Van Persie plays like Emile Hesky.
Shay Given scores a diving header and gets chalk all over his face.
Spain use an experimental art project no strikers formation.
Shevckenko gets a brace. Mario Gomez gets a brace (wish he’d done that in the Champions League final).
Bendtner gets a brace and Ronaldo can’t hit a barn door.
Spain hammer Ireland and Roy Keane gets sick of ITV patronising them with 'but didn’t they have a good old sing song’.
Danny Welbeck back heal's a winner.
Ibrahimović puts his karate skills to use with a volleyed goal.
Ukraine v France match delayed because of a storm of biblical proportions.
Poland fuck it up and go out, as do Russia.
Greece put an end to the crap jokes about them crumbling like their economy. Christian Ronaldo finds his club form as he puts two past Holland.
Balotelli scores a great volley and then does one of his ever so annoying non celebrations.
John Terry clears a ball off the line that was actually over. 'Well it evens up Lampard’s non-goal from the World Cup' says the commentator. Not so sure that Ukraine feel that way.
Ronaldo’s bullet header.
Spain bore a half arsed France off the pitch.
Two bullet German volleys.
Joe Hart shouts and waves his arms about in the penalty shoot out until Pirlo shuts him up with a chip down the middle.
Ronaldo spends most of the second half against Spain doing that pre free-kick drama thing that he does. Only to blast all of them over the bar.
Balotelli's first half blows Germany away.
Spain run away with it in the final, putting to bed the Spain are boring theory.

ITV Coverage - Waiting For Roy Keane To Snap

I don’t intend to turn this into a football orientated blog, but this week my evenings have been dominated by some great games on the TV.
But there was one thing that(almost) ruined it for me and that was the Chelsea v Napoli match. Not the game itself but the dire coverage from ITV. Its standard to berate ITV’s football coverage, but not without reason.
Since Richard Keys and Andy Gray got booted out, Sky’s coverage has drastically improved. I couldn’t stand him as a player but Gary Neville has turned out to be a decent pundit. As has Graham Souness. The Europa league coverage on Chanel 5 has improved too. Their commentary is at least balanced, unlike the partisan ‘its us against the foreign team’ line that ITV take.
“But you got to cheer on the English team haven’t you?” No, anyone that says that doesn’t understand football rivalry.
Sure ITV want the English team to go through to the next round, that’s the bigger ratings winner after all, but don’t presume that everyone watching does. When Chelsea scored the eventual winner the co-commentator Andy Townsend celebrated with a “Yes, get in there.” Then near the end of the match when Didier Drogba was diving all over the place and feigning injury he described it as ‘clever'. If a Napoli player did that it would no doubt be ‘outrageous time wasting tactics'.
Then there’s the presenter Adrian Chiles who has somehow dumbed down ITV’s coverage even more with his inane meaningless comments such as “you would presume Chelsea to be the fitter team in extra time wouldn’t you?” Chiles gave no reason why and no one in the studio responded to him. Every time he makes a comment like this or some frivolous quip Roy Keane fixes a murderous stare on him. Or maybe that’s just how Keane always looks. I just hope that one day he snaps and throws Adrian Chiles though the commentary box window.
This weekend hopefully.

The Football Fans Fickle View

Fickle, it’s a word that I don’t like. The reason being is that for some reason I don’t like the way it sounds and the way it looks. There are a few words that I don’t like for these reasons and I usually avoid using them. Fickle is a word that is often used to describe football fans.
In football the highs and lows change in no time at all. Many times in a course of a season the media and fans can claim a team to be ‘in crisis’ only for the team to put a good run of results together and all is fine again.
Take the team that I support Tottenham. So far they are having a decent season. Third in the league and still in the FA Cup. Playing some great football along the way. But in the last two games they’ve been spanked by Arsenal and Manchester United. If they turn it around in the next couple of matches then it will be considered a blip but if the bad form continues then the knee jerkers in the media, fan forums and Twitter will be out in force. And in the space of a month the opinion on the players will have gone from great to useless. I myself sometimes get drawn into such knee jerk reactions.
When Manchester United scored their third goal on Sunday my thoughts towards the manager Harry Redknapp was “I hope he does take the England job. Maybe then we will get a manager that can get the team selection right.”
More scorn was aimed at the defence, especially Kyle Walker.
“He forgets that he’s a defender. Sure its great bombing down the wing but what’s the point when you switch off at defending set pieces all the time. Bring Vederan Corluka back.” was my reaction to his poor display.
A few games back I was saying that he has become one of he best right back’s in the league.
From great to shit in the space of a couple of games. If you are a Tottenham fan then you might recognise some of these thoughts on the players.

Brad Friedel
When team wins: What a shrewd singing he’s forty something years old and as good as ever. You can’t beat experience.
When the team loses: He’s too old to play at this level anymore.

Younes Kaboul
When team wins: He’s one of the most improved players in the Premiership this season. A rock at the back.
When team loses: As much as he’s improved he still makes errors and will never be a top class centre back.

Gareth Bale
When team wins: World class. Lets just hope we can hold on to him next season.
When team loses: Overrated. A so called world class player should be able to use both feet. We should cash in on him in the summer.

Ledley King
Legend, can’t even train during the week, turns up for the match and is pure class.
When team loses: A legend but the injury’s are catching up with him now. Its time to move on with a new captain.

Michael Dawson
When team wins: The defence is so more solid with Dawson in he ream. Always puts his body on the line for the team.
When team loses: He always puts his body on the line blocking shots because he is too slow getting to the ball in the first place.

William Gallas
When team wins: He may be past his best but he’s still got it.
When team loses: Why was he wearing red boots. Fucking gooner.

Benoit Assou-Ekotto
When team wins: A maverick, one of a kind. He plays like he couldn’t care less about the game. So cool under pressure.
When team loses: He played like he didn’t care. Sometimes when under pressure you just got to hoof the ball into the stand.

Danny Rose
When team wins: Will always be remembered for that goal against the scum but he’s really turning in some good performances now.
When team loses: Will always be remembered for that goal against the scum but he just isn’t good enough.

Niko Kranjcar
When team wins: Such a cultured footballer, he would walk into most other teams.
When team loses: How about putting a tackle in once in a while.

Jermain Defoe
When team wins: The best finisher in the team. A natural goal scorer.
When team loses: Stay onside. Stay on fucking side!

Luka Modric
Best midfielder in the country. Has the best outside right foot pass in football.
When the team loses: He would rather be playing for Chelsea anyway. He’s shooting is awful.

Scott Parker
When team wins: Five million what a snip. Should have bought him years ago.
When team loses: Stop running about like a headless chicken and giving away stupid free kicks.

Aaron Lennon
When team wins: When he’s on form he will skin any left back.
When team loses: Skins the left back then puts over a rubbish cross. What’s the point.

Louis Saha
When team wins: What a free singing he is. Could’ve been one of the top strikers in the world if he hadn’t pick up all them injuries.
When team loses: Past his best. Why wasn’t Defoe picked?

Rafael van der Vaart
When team wins: World class player, if he’s fit he has to play.
When team loses: Off the pace. Will he ever be totally fit? How about getting a corner past the first man for once.

Jake Livermore
When team wins: This season he’s come of age. Great to see a local lad in the team.
When team loses: Jack of all trades master of none. Will never become a regular first team player.

Sandro
When team wins: A beast of a player, though shall not past.
When team loses: Lets face it he’s had a couple of good games and a great game against AC Milan and that’s about it. How the hell does he get into the Brazil squad?

Tom Huddlestone
When team wins: What a passer of the ball, Hoddle -esc.
When team loses: Run fat boy run.

Emmanuel Adebayor
When team wins: A proper target man, has been the difference this season.
When team loses: Fucking gooner.

Football fans fickle. Never.

When Music and Football Meet

When football and music come together its usually a very bad thing. Sometimes it can be good but that’s as rare as a Panda
I’m thinking Waddle and Hoddle singing their song Diamond Lights. Its now looked back as a funny and Chris and Glenn might have a laugh about it when its brought up in an interview on Soccer AM or Talksport but really, what the fuck was that all about?



What about Paul Gascoigne in his shell suit singing about the fog on the Tyne and sickly sausage rolls. Anyway sausage rolls are savory, not sickly at all.
Then there’s the Anfield Rap. Imagine the Liverpool team of today doing that. Would never happen. If they did then Luiz Suarez could use a racist term and claim it to be part of hip hop culture.
When it comes to football and music the mid 80s and early 90s has a lot to answer for.

As for good examples of music and football mixing there’s The Suntans of Ping’s song Give Him a Ball and a Yard of Grass. In fact for me it’s the undisputed song about football.
“Give him a ball & a yard of grass, he'll give you a move with perfect pass Give him a ball & a yard of space, he'll give you a move with godly grace.”



Then there’s film the film Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait which has a camera that just follows on Zinedine Zidane playing a game for Real Madrid and has the post-rock band Mogwai doing the films score. Though its not Zidane’s finest match and its not Mogwai’s best work, the combination works really well.
I watched it post pub. Now usually when I see a film late at night after a few beers my attention span is almost non existent. But For the whole film my eyes never left the screen.

Premier Passions

With Steve Bruce out of the Sunderland job it looks like we have seen the last of the old school generation of football managers that retired from playing in the early nineties, went into management and failed to move with the times.
For example Sunderland gave Bruce an iPad to do tactics and statistics on, but he claimed that he didn’t do much tactics. Also he said like a badge of honour that he has email but doesn’t know how to log on.
I can’t see Bruce getting another job at a Premier League club, no more than say Brian Robson, Terry Butcher or Peter Reid.

If you don’t know who Peter Reid is, well when Diego Maradona scored that great solo goal against England in the 1986 world cup, Reid is the first player who chases after him and finally gives up as Maradona reaches the penalty area.
He was actually a very decent player in his day but his stock as a manager has gone. I’m singling him out because I’ve just watched an episode of Premier Passions on Google video. It’s a five part documentary series that follows Sunderland in the 1996-1997 season when Peter Reid was the manager. With access to the dressing room you get to see pre match and half time team talks which basically consists of “Don’t fucking hesitate out there, get fucking right in their fucking faces and don’t fucking let them fucking settle. Lets fucking get them fucking tackles in.”

I’m not exaggerating at all when I say that even the manager of my school football team gave us a more insightful team talk. And a whole lot less unnecessary swearing.

Michael Owen Hates Films, Loves A Jigsaw Though

So what does the former England international and now happy to be a reserve at Manchester United Michael Owen get up to in his spare time?
Well a recent tweet of his puts watching films out of the question:

Can't stand films but watched the Inbetweeners series so got to give it a go. Watched about 8 films in my life and 5 of them were Rocky!!!

He went on to tweet again:

Other films I've watched: Jurassic Park, Ghost, Heat, Cool Running. Think that's it!

I can’t imagine footballs mister boring doing anything apart from watching horse racing. Maybe he’s so boring that he puts together a 1000 piece horse racing themed jigsaw puzzle.
Oh wait he does, it was reported in the metro that he spent two hours doing just that.
But after two hours he gave up on the idea and turned on the radio to hear his horse Electric Qatar race at York.
Fucking hell what a bore.

If this video is anything to go by he's a bit of a dick as well. Laughing and celebrating as he puts the ball past a kid in goal. Neville Southall clearly thinks he's a dick as he says to Owen "Well done, he's thirteen."
Owen turns around and says to himself "Game set and match Owen."
Game set and match dick.

Blatter Deserves A Slap

Is it acceptable to punch a seventy five year old man in the face? No of course not, unless the man in question is Sepp Blatter.
The unbelievably smug president of Fifa really thinks that he’s the main man in world football. Not the players, not the coaches, not the fans but him. Like last summer when Spain won the World Cup Blatter handed the trophy to the Spanish captain Iker Casillas and then instead of getting out the way, he stood there as the players celebrated, as if the glory was his too.
Now there’s the corruption allegations and the farce of the Fifa presidential election where he is the only candidate . Then man has to go, but he won’t as the FIFA old boys have it good. Its like the Masons or some other secret organization where the members are too scared to fall out of line.
Then at work today I head on the radio that Blatter is going to form a committee to look into Fifa’s corruption problems. And on the committee will be 88 year old Henry Kissinger. I thought it was a joke, Henry Kissinger, from Richard Nixon’s administration will look into corruption. It must be a joke. When I got home I had to look it up to see if its true. It is and apparently Kissinger is a long-term associate of Blatter’s. Well that figures then.
I still think it’s a joke or Blatter is just taking it further to see what he can get away with. I expect him to soon announce other members on this committee to be Vladimir Putin and the Crown Prince of Qatar.

Issues Of The Day Like Hair

Lot of news going on today, like the budget. What’s gone up? What’s gone down? How will it affect you? Has booze gone up? It’s stayed the same. Okay so let’s move on. The Libya situation. Is the UN military right to intervene? With all the cutbacks that David Cameron has enforced over the last few month why is he so eager to go charging in? Does Colonel Gaddafi dye his hair? Come on, no one has hair that black at the age of 68.
On the subject of hair, while watching Match of the Day last weekend I noticed that Mark Lawrenson has always had that brushed back layered look on top with it being on the verge of a mullet at the back. Alan Hansen Hansen’s side parting never changes either. But at least his hair doesn’t look dated.
Not like former spurs manager Gerry Francis who is still rocking the mullet. Infact its even worse as its receding at the front and even longer at the back.
Roberto Baggio is still persisting with that ponytail rattail thing. Its worse than his 1994 World Cup final penalty miss that he blasted over the bar.
Chris Waddle blasted a World Cup semi final penalty way over the bar. He also had the mullet of all mullet’s but to Waddle’s credit at least he had the sense to get rd of it in the early nineties.

Stratford Spurs FC

So David Beckham is training at Tottenham. There was no big deal when he trained at Arsenal a couple of years back in the MLS off-season. But there wasn’t a chance that he might turn out in a Premier League game for them like he might at Spurs. So there’s been news reports from the Tottenham training ground in Chigwell and football hacks and pundits giving their opinion on whether it will be good for the team or not. Because they must be pro or against him in a lilywhite shirt.
“They only want him for the shirt sales,” is a lazy response I’ve heard various people say. A work colleague told me that in the Tottenham shop you can buy a shirt with Beckham on the back with the number 77. I told him that you can have anything printed on the back of a shirt if you ask for it. I can have my name printed on the back, it doesn’t mean that I will be running out at White Hart Lane this weekend.

Its been a Tottenham heavy news week. Should they move to the Olympic stadium? Well it makes obvious sense as a business decision. But tradition is a big part of any football club and that’s countering the pure business decision.
At first I was totally against them moving to east London. Tottenham Hotspur Football Club should play in Tottenham! North London, not east! But then most Tottenham fans like myself are from the surrounding areas, not Tottenham itself. And Stratford is not too far from Tottenham, its only that the postcode changes from N to E, its not like the Olympic stadium is in west London or on the other side of the river. The transport links to White Hart Lane are awful where as you don’t get any better than transport links at Strafford. On a selfish standpoint- Stratford is three tube stops away from me. I could be door to door in half an hour.
If it happens I’m sure that in time I will get used to it but at the moment even with all the plus points it just doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t help when there’s stories like the one in the Evening Standard on Thursday that said that Tottenham may have to change their name to something like ‘Stratford Hotspur.'

But of course that’s just bullshit scaremongering. I fucking hope so.

Living In The Past To Make Money

The radio stations usually on at work are Magic FM or Absolute Radio. On the odd occasion XFM. I don’t care for these stations (XFM was a great station in its formative years up until Capital Radio bought it and turned it into play listed landfill indie) but at work whatever is on is just background noise.
The last couple of week its mainly been the Christian O’Donnell Breakfast Show on Absolute Radio, and they’ve had this feature about football players. Because of the general noise in the office I haven’t quite grabbed what its about but what I do know is that interviews with footballers are boring.
Players today’s are boring enough with their generic post-match clichés but players from the past are usually worse.
Martin Peters droned on to Christian O’Donnell about playing in the 1966 word cup. He was on autopilot as he’s no doubt repeated the same story time and time again. Geoff Hurst was on too and he droned on about the hat-trick he scored. He still protests that his second goal was over the line even though it blatantly wasn’t.
Geoff Hurst makes a living out of the hat-trick he scored and I don’t blame him. Footballers didn’t earn a huge amount back then (and they will make a point of telling people this and then protest that they‘re not at all bitter) and most of the 66 team have sold their winners medal. The other week Nobby Stiles sold his for £188200, good luck to him, your average Manchester City player earns that in a week.

But surely Peters and Hurst must be sick and tired of talking about something that they did in their twenty’s. It takes living in the past to a new level.
But it’s a living.

No More Football Phone Ins

Well it’s been a week now and I don’t want to hear anymore about the England football team. Now I’m not of one them English people that pretend to be happy that England are out of the World Cup because they like to appear oh so contentious and edgy. But I’m not disappointed. My disappointment lasted from about when Germany's third goal hit the back of the net to when Emile Hesky came on just after their fourth went in. When needing three goals in fifteen minutes putting on Hesky seemed like a statement from Fabio Capello that said “Fuck it, who gives a shit anymore.” Sometimes I get like that when playing Fifa on the Xbox and losing by two goals near the end of the match. I start hacking over every player. Fuck it, who gives a shit anymore.

When the fourth went in I didn’t care if they got a fifth. I’m glad England went out getting a caning instead of losing of penalties and getting portrayed like heroic losers with people going to Heathrow airport waving their flags to greet the team. Because instead of bleating on about how unlucky and hard done by the England team were losing 4-1 can’t hide fundamental problems in the England set up.
Another plus is if England did go on to win the World Cup. I know it’s hard to believe right now but lets just say that Wayne Rooney stopped playing like a pub team player and changed England’s form around. And some sort of minor miracle happened and England did win it then The Sun would campaign for the team to be knighted. Sir John Terry. It just doesn’t sit right. There would be a World Cup winners song which will no doubt feature the unfunny self appointed fat cheerleader that is James Corden. Side note- Corden, you’ve had a good run but you can only get so far doing your wacky dancing party piece. Now please go away.
Imagine all the TV adverts the players would do. Imagine all the WAGS raising their profile.
Another good thing about England leaving the party early is that all the adverts using England to help sell their products are off the TV. Like that Carlsberg the best team talk in the world advert. The advert suggests that if the team are passionate and remain strong they can win the World Cup. Well I’m afraid that it takes a lot more than that. Like a good first touch and passing to your own player. It’s a Danish beer anyway.
Then there’s that Kit Kat advert (that for some reason features Sol Campbell sighing autographs) that suggests that England can win if you cross your fingers. Sorry Kit Kat but it will take a lot more than superstitious nonsense. Like a tactical gameplan and avoiding defensive howlers.

Three lions. Why? The only lions in England are in the zoo.

Shoot Out

So the football season is over, (well apart from the play off finals, the FA cup and Champions League Final) so no football until August then. No wait, the World Cup is this summer. I’m looking forward to it and will be watching every game like I always do. I want England to win but for me it’s always club over country as it doesn’t feel right cheering on Arsenal and Chelsea players that I can’t stand.

But there’s a few things that I won’t be looking forward to like people who have no interest in football talking about the match the previous night. I know that at some point I’m going to phone up my mum and she’ll say something like, ”It was a good game last night wasn’t it? It’s good that they got through but I don’t think that Rooney should have been sent of do you?”
To which I will reply , “Mum please don’t talk to me about football,”
Then I guess she will say, “I know about football, when you were a kid I used to watch you play sometimes.”
Finally I will say, “Yes and it was embarrassing when you used to shout things out like ‘go on kick the ball’. Could you put me onto dad please.”
At least my sister is honest about it. When the last World Cup was on she said, “Yeah of course I only like football when it’s the World Cup and England win.”

No doubt there will be some penalty shoot outs, and what will really get on my wick is that the commentator will say that it’s came down to the lottery of penalties. It’s not a lottery. A lottery is random chance. Say that Germany have fifty penalty shoot outs with New Zealand then I reckon that Germany would win about forty eight of them. And New Zealand would win about forty eight times against the Cook Islands. Doesn’t sound like a lottery to me.
When England went out of 1998 World Cup to Argentina in a penalty shoot out, the manager Glenn Hoddle said that they didn’t practice penalties because you can’t recreate the pressured of a penalty shoot out in training. But surely if you practice you get better which in turn will make you more confident of scoring. With Hoddle’s kind of logic why practice anything. What’s the point of strikers practicing one on one with the keeper when there isn’t the same tension and the crowd in training. Might as well not train at all. Just turn up and play.

Why I hate Coventry

So it was FA cup weekend. And yet somehow I managed to avoided hearing all the usual cliques that get churned out every FA cup weekend like- ‘The Romance of the FA cup’ and ‘that’s the magic of the FA cup.'

My best and worst FA cup memories- The best is no doubt being at Wemberly stadium in 1991 seeing Tottenham beat the scum 3-1.
The worst was a game that I didn’t see live or even watch live on TV. 1987 I was ten years old, Tottenham got to the FA cup final against Coventry City. I remember my dad calling up to me in my room. I went to the top of the staircase and looked down to my dad at the bottom of the stairs. He had the biggest smile on his face.
“We got them, we got them!” He shouts with joy as he waves a pair of tickets.
I couldn’t believe it, I was going to the FA cup final!
But me and my dads joy was to be short lived.
“When is it?” my mum asked.
“16th of May,” my dad said.
“Well you can’t go then.”
We look at her like she’s mad. Like the last sentence that came from her mouth was in some alien language.
“Well that’s the day we’re going on holiday isn’t it?.” she says.
A feeling went through the pit of my stomach, a similar feeling in my stomach that I would feel a few years later when my first girlfriend dumped me.
Our pleas to change the flight for the day later fell flat.
“Sorry can’t change it, non refundable,” were the words my mum kept saying.
I was gutted.

Come the day of the final and of course the day of the holiday to Spain. The match kicked off when we were flying somewhere over France.
“What do you think the score is?” I kept asking my dad.
When we landed the match was over but we had no idea what the score was.
On the coach to the hotel we still didn’t know.
When we got to the hotel, checked in and took the bags up to the room the suspense was killing us. I went for a wander around the hotel in the hope of somehow finding out the score [it might seem weird now to let a ten year old just wander around a hotel but I guess it wasn’t back then].
So I walk around, then in the lobby I see a group of blokes walking towards me. They’re cheering and singing and I notice what shirts a couple of them are wearing. I check again as I don’t believe it. No, no please no! They spot me in my Tottenham shirt and a loud roar goes up. “Losers,! 3-2, 3-2, aargggrhhh,” and they point at me. I walk past them, run up to the hotel room, lie face down on the bed and burst into tears.
“The holiday is ruined, it's ruined. They might of won if me and dad were there,” I cried.
The holiday wasn’t ruined, I soon got over it. But when Coventry got relegated a few years back I laughed. I laughed as I remembered them blokes laughing at the ten year old me.
Bitter, me? Yes, yes I am.