No More Football Phone Ins

Well it’s been a week now and I don’t want to hear anymore about the England football team. Now I’m not of one them English people that pretend to be happy that England are out of the World Cup because they like to appear oh so contentious and edgy. But I’m not disappointed. My disappointment lasted from about when Germany's third goal hit the back of the net to when Emile Hesky came on just after their fourth went in. When needing three goals in fifteen minutes putting on Hesky seemed like a statement from Fabio Capello that said “Fuck it, who gives a shit anymore.” Sometimes I get like that when playing Fifa on the Xbox and losing by two goals near the end of the match. I start hacking over every player. Fuck it, who gives a shit anymore.

When the fourth went in I didn’t care if they got a fifth. I’m glad England went out getting a caning instead of losing of penalties and getting portrayed like heroic losers with people going to Heathrow airport waving their flags to greet the team. Because instead of bleating on about how unlucky and hard done by the England team were losing 4-1 can’t hide fundamental problems in the England set up.
Another plus is if England did go on to win the World Cup. I know it’s hard to believe right now but lets just say that Wayne Rooney stopped playing like a pub team player and changed England’s form around. And some sort of minor miracle happened and England did win it then The Sun would campaign for the team to be knighted. Sir John Terry. It just doesn’t sit right. There would be a World Cup winners song which will no doubt feature the unfunny self appointed fat cheerleader that is James Corden. Side note- Corden, you’ve had a good run but you can only get so far doing your wacky dancing party piece. Now please go away.
Imagine all the TV adverts the players would do. Imagine all the WAGS raising their profile.
Another good thing about England leaving the party early is that all the adverts using England to help sell their products are off the TV. Like that Carlsberg the best team talk in the world advert. The advert suggests that if the team are passionate and remain strong they can win the World Cup. Well I’m afraid that it takes a lot more than that. Like a good first touch and passing to your own player. It’s a Danish beer anyway.
Then there’s that Kit Kat advert (that for some reason features Sol Campbell sighing autographs) that suggests that England can win if you cross your fingers. Sorry Kit Kat but it will take a lot more than superstitious nonsense. Like a tactical gameplan and avoiding defensive howlers.

Three lions. Why? The only lions in England are in the zoo.