The Outdoor Type

The last time I went to the Reading Festival I bought a day ticket. For some reason me and a couple of mates got up at five thirty in the morning to catch a train there. Only to realise that it was Sunday service and so we had to wait just under an hour until the first tube. Once on the train from Paddington to Reading the drinking began, and by late morning I was already feeling quite drunk. Twelve hours later I was on my own walking around as it began to rain looking for the area where some mates who camped the weekend were. I walked through tents after tents trying to find them until in my drunken haze I fell thigh deep into the river. The river that is full of piss and what else I don’t know. Then instead of walking all the way to a bridge over the river I straddled action man style across a barrier. In the process of doing this I cut up the palms of my hands. By the time I got to the area where they were camped I was soaked through from the river and the rain with blood smeared on my hands.
On the train home in the morning I smelt worse after the one day than people who had camped there for four days.

It’s the Reading festival this weekend. I’ve just seen some of it on the TV and it’s a quagmire. Even if all the great dead rock stars came back from the grave and formed the most super of super groups I’d be apprehensive about getting a ticket. If the weather was guaranteed to be good then I’d consider going, but this is England not California.
Even if the weather was nice and sunny the whole time I’d still be apprehensive to camp for four days. I’ve only been camping a few times (I take it that sleeping in a tent in the back garden as a kid doesn’t count), and I have no intention of ever camping again. Maybe for one night in the summer if the weather is nice, but I’m just not really the outdoor type. I prefer concrete under my feet.

Brand Not A Band

I will watch any music documentary. Iron Maiden tour documentary, I’ll watch it. The Carpenters: Behind the Music, if it’s on I’ll watch it.

Yesterday morning, feeling a bit hungover I had a look on BBC iplayer and came across a Bon Jovi documentary. Girls love the band, even girls that I know who generally have good taste in music like Bon Jovi. But to me they have no redeeming features. Take the name for a start, it’s the singers surname. The terrible power ballads. The terrible soft rock stadium anthems. The guitarists stuck in the 80s look and the way he holds his guitar and makes gurning facial expressions when bending a note on an instantly unforgettable guitar solo. The keyboardist curly perm.

I don’t think I’ve watched a documentary on a band that said so little about them. I learnt that they miss their family when away on tour, that the drummer used to drink a lot but now days likes to play golf on his day off, that after their initial success the band had a few problems and hired a psychiatrist who helped them to get back to communicating with one another, that the bassist is a session musician (there were no shots of him on stage at all), that… no well that’s about it.
One thing that stands out in the documentary sums up the band for me. It’s when Jon Bon Jovi is on the phone to a promoter. There are some hitches getting in the way of putting on a show in Central Park and he says, “I'm the CEO of a major corporation who has been running a brand for 25 years.”
It’s not a band it’s a brand.

On iplayer at the moment there’s the world pipe band championships. Think I’ll give that one a miss.

Serching For Bobby Davro

I don’t usually watch The Weakest Link. It’s just not a very good quiz show, but I caught an episode the other day which was the most cringe worthy television that I’ve seen in a long time. It was a look-alike edition and the contestants stayed in character for the whole show, apart from the Mr T look-alike. I guess that it would be too much to have him shouting the whole time and calling everyone a fool. The Gordon Ramsey look-alike stayed in character minus the swearing. What was the point in that then? How the Sven Goran Erikson look-alike is still getting work I don’t know. Then there was a Marilyn Monroe, a Madonna, and a David Brent look-alike. No, not a Ricky Gervais look-alike but the character that he plays in the office. And when asked to do the David Brent dance he didn’t hesitate for a moment. I couldn’t watch anymore, it was too painful, so I changed channels. Maybe not as cringe worthy as Richard Madley dressing up as Ali G but it’s pushing there. And defiantly not as cringe worthy as Bobby Davro on Come Dine With Me. That’s was beyond sad. Beyond salvation. It’s got to be seen to be believed. So bad that I can’t find it on youtube.
This I can though.