The Dream Sequence

"So I was looking out the window and I saw a younger version of myself in the garden. Except the garden was overgrown with tall twisted vines. Then an elephant smashed through the fence and came charging at me so I began climbing up one of the vines. I kept climbing and climbing, I was almost at the top of the vine when it melted like ice cream in the sun. I was falling and just as I was about to hit the ground I woke up."

Its boring hearing over peoples dreams isn’t it.
Even more boring is long dream sequences in film or TV.
Earlier this year I revisited The Sopranos. From first episode to last. Of course its brilliant TV, though for me the weakest episode by far is the one in the fifth series called The Test Dream. The clue is in the name, and features a very long dream sequence.
Just when you think its stopped and we can get back on with the story it turns out that Tony waking up was part of the dream and it goes on for another ten minutes or so.

It’s the sort of episode that wins awards because it apparently shows so much imagination. Whatever, I’m not interested in these surreal moments in Tony’s dreams that may or may not represent some hidden meaning. I’m more interested in the plot and the characters. Not some David Lynch style over substance surrealism.
I've just never managed to make it all the way through a David Lynch film.
No I was never a student with a Blue Velvet poster on the wall.

Titanic Failure

I saw the film Titanic at the cinema. The way it dragged on I thought the boat would never sink. Of course the film was very unrealistic, I mean as if the people who were reviving the ship would sit and listen to that old lady banging on about bolocks for three hours. “So you went to the front of the ship and held your arms out while he stood behind you. Well that’s all very nice but could you get on with it please.”

Now there is a 3D version of the film. I guess its come out now to coincide with the hundredth anniversary of when the Titanic sunk. Its all over the TV at the moment. There was even a documentary from the iceberg’s point of view.
Yes, yes I do know that about ninety percent of an iceberg is under water. File that under boring over told facts.

In Belfast where the ship was built there are tours on it. Its nothing to be proud of Belfast. The Titanic is revered and yet it’s a failure. A massive failure. Sunk on its maiden voyage. Like a boxer getting knocked out in one punch. A batsman getting bowled out with the first ball.
Guess that there isn’t many other tourist things to do in Belfast.

Harry Potter 'Fights Some Real Demons'

Never understood why people camp out to be the first in line. Whether its waiting for tickets for a sporting event, a new games console or like last week when people camped out to see the new Harry Potter film. Well they weren’t even camping out to see the film but to get a glimpse of Harry, the girl and the ginger one walking down the red carpet.
The three of them are of course out and about doing a lot of promotion for the film and from what I’ve seen a lot has been made of Daniel Radcliffe’s so called ‘problems with alcohol’.
Was he pouring a glass of whiskey to go with his morning coffee? Did he regularly miss work and end up sitting on a bench, guzzling down super strength cider and shouting at traffic?
From what I can tell it was more like what most teenagers do when they first discover alcohol which is to get very drunk in a short space of time, make a fool out of themselves and throw up. Then wake up in the morning feeling like death vowing to never drink again.
Unlike the vast majority Daniel Radcliffe decided that he really won’t drink again.
That’s applaudable for sure, but don’t call it a drinking problem.

An ex colleague of mine regularly turned up for the night shift even though he wasn’t due to work until the morning. He didn’t come in to do any actual work but to drink super strength larger and talk bollocks to whoever would pretend to listen. Then at about 4am he would go to the canteen and get his head down for a bit before his 5.30am start time.
His increasingly gaunt appearance was a clear indication that his health was rapidly in decline, and after a long time off sick and several warnings about turning up for work pissed or not turning up at all he lost his job.
Six months later I saw him sitting on a wall outside a supermarket drinking from a bottle. His skin was a light shade of yellow and he looked like death.
Now that certainly is a drinking problem. One that sadly took over his life.

Non Uniform Day

There’s not a whole lot to learn from American high school films or TV series. About the only thing I’ve learnt is that American schools have defined groups of pupils who hang out with each other and only ever mix when a member of each group has detention on a Saturday morning where they bitch, whine and realise that they are not so different after all. Its not like that in the UK, not from my school experience anyway. There wasn’t a gang of dumb ‘Jocks’ who played sports, constantly high-fived each other and had parties at the weekends where they’d drink from a keg of beer and grope cheerleaders. I played for the school football team but we weren’t a gang. And the team captain didn’t go out with the head cheerleader as there were no cheerleaders. And I don’t remember a nerd getting his head flushed down the toilet because they didn‘t do the bully’s homework. And people who liked a certain type of music would still talk to other people who were into a different type of music.
I'm not saying that school was a utopian dream. Far from it, but there wasn't as defined groups as American TV make their schools seem.
Maybe a factor why there's no obviously defined set of groups in UK schools is because everyone has to wear the same uniform. I was happy to were a school uniform because I really hated non uniform day which would happen once a year on Comic Relief or some other money raising thing where you paid fifty pence that granted a non uniform pass. I hated it because it was like a fashion parade, and a couple of days before people would be talking about what they would wearing. I can still remember some kid in my year saying “Well I think I might wear my new shell suit with my Nike Air Max trainers. It was 1990.

Avatar

The selling points to the film Avatar seems to be that it cost an obscene amount of money to make and the 3-D special effects.
Well anyway, I saw it the other night and it was alright and it was good to go to the cinema for the first time in ages but it felt like I was in a video game. Or watching a video game. If it felt like I was in Grand Theft Auto then fine. But it wasn’t, more like one of them video games aimed at kids that I don’t play.
If I was a kid then I’m sure I would have loved it, so let’s not pretend that it’s much more than a kids film.
But it’s got a message don’t you know?
Yes but I don’t need a gazillion dollar 3-D film to teach me about imperialism and the raping of indigenous peoples land. If I was a kid then maybe.

Some other thoughts:

Jake the marine gets in this pod and controls the avatar, then when the avatar sleeps he gets out of the pod. When Jake the marines avatar gets with the female avatar and they fuck I was wondering if he will wake up in the pod with his underpants a mess.

At the end of the film Jack the marine chooses to be transformed totally into one of them blue people, leaving his human life behind. I couldn’t help thinking that this is patronising to people in wheelchairs. “Well wouldn’t you do this if you were wheelchair bound?” Is what it said to me.

Okay I get it! It’s in 3-D! It’s the future don’t you know? Films in 3-D, sport in 3-D. What next, porn in 3-D? That’s a winner I’m sure.